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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,669

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Seen just now on Slack:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Just landed via X:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Making waves on Messenger:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

Spotted on Discord:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

Making waves on Twitch:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

Making waves on X:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

3 weeks ago

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Looks like the stars aligned for some quality couch time 🔮🛋️✨

cancel, cancel plans, cancellation, excuse, humor, i, plans, prophecy, said, sorry

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18 shares on Threads this month:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

People will say “sounds good” at work when things don’t sound good at all.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

50 shares on Slack this month:

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Freshly posted on Slack:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Just landed via Telegram:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

Going bananas on Twitch:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

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Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Intelligence is now free, and the golden age of the nerd is over.

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Intelligence is now free, and the golden age of the nerd is over.

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨