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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

My parents think they know me.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,053

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

Live now on Snapchat:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Just shared via TikTok:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Just landed via TikTok:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the stars aligned for some quality couch time 🔮🛋️✨

cancel, cancel plans, cancellation, excuse, humor, i, plans, prophecy, said, sorry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, emotion, expression, humor, i, just, love, relationship, sarcasm, say, talking
“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, black, black sheep, contact, denial, everyone, eye, eye contact, family, humor, i, relationships, say, sheep
Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, going, humor, joke, Kardashian, marriage, marry, new, new plan, okay, plan, relationship
Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

0

5 months ago

algorithm, gods, hot, humor, i, just, let, media, online, post, revenge, selfie, social, social media, work
I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

0

2 months ago

always, bring, family, guilt, humor, i, joke, know, luggage, me, mom, parenting, relationships, sarcasm, send, shell, travel, trip, visiting
Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

0

2 months ago

adventure, chaotic, chaotic morning, coffee, craving, cut, exaggerated, exaggerated craving, humor, i, machete, maniac, morning, need, relief, stress, stress relief, through, today, woods

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on X this month:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

82 shares on Slack this month:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

88 shares on Facebook this month:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Commenting “AI slop” on a high school acquaintance’s Instagram post of their newborn baby.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

It really annoys me when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Making waves on Snapchat:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Going viral on TikTok:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Just landed via WeChat:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

Spotted on Slack:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Trending via Telegram:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨