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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

40 minutes ago

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Going viral on Discord:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m not feeling very worky today.

Seen just now on Discord:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Just landed via Messenger:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Trending via Pinterest:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Breaking via Messenger:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Going viral on Discord:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Home » Funny Said Quotes

45 Funny said quotes

Funny said quotes bring a burst of laughter to our everyday conversations, adding a sprinkle of humor and a dash of wit 🤪. Whether you’re looking to brighten your mood or share a giggle with friends, these playful sayings are the perfect pick-me-up 😂. Dive into the world of clever wordplay, where every line has a punchline waiting to tickle your funny bone 🤭. Let the giggles commence!

New funny said quotes 👇

2 days ago
Share →: Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Commentary:
That's a quick way to show him who's really in charge! 😂🚖👌
3 days ago
Share →: “I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Commentary:
When artificial intelligence and mom intelligence collide… trust me, mom wins every time! 🤖👩‍👧✋
6 days ago
Share →: “I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Commentary:
R2D2 told me to beep-boop myself out of this conversation! 🤖😂
6 days ago
Share →: So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Commentary:
When life gives you telemarketers, give them a taste of their own menu! 🤣☎️ Press 1 for a good laugh!
7 days ago
Share →: “Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

Commentary:
I always knew Dad's real talent was secretly saving internet bandwidth 🌐💸👏
1 week ago
Share →: Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Commentary:
Looks like even Gandalf couldn't handle the epic smell battles and orc-style fashion show! 🧙‍♂️💨😂
1 week ago
Share →: Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Commentary:
When you're on the throne but forgot your crown 👑🚽🤣
1 week ago
Share →: Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Commentary:
Hannah's name game: double or nothing! 😂✨📚
1 week ago
Share →: I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Commentary:
Trying to compliment my life decisions is like giving myself a participation trophy for a dodgeball game I never showed up to 😂🏆
1 week ago
Share →: I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Commentary:
😂 Oh, I totally get it! "Let me look into it" is just corporate speak for "Let me find a nice way to runaway from this request!" 🏃‍♂️💨📞x

For even more funny said quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny said quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

40 minutes ago

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Going viral on Reddit:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Shared recently on Twitch:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Going viral on Slack:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Just shared via Twitch:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Going viral on Reddit:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Making waves on YouTube:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

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