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Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,974

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

A mustache is just mouth bangs.

Seen just now on Slack:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Live now on Telegram:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Spotted on TikTok:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Just landed via Reddit:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to multitask like a pro! Typo today, traffic stop tomorrow! 🚗💨📱 #SteeringAndSpelling"

apology, distraction, driving, humor, posts, sorry, texting, texting while driving, typo, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

1 month ago

allowed, consumption, dislike, entertainment, humor, i, media, opinion, people, preference
If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

1 month ago

broke, confidence, deserve, humor, me, money, relationship, self-worth, value
Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

1 month ago

empathy, humor, me, me too, OMG, relatability, therapist, too
Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

1 month ago

common, geometry, humor, irony, line, mathematics, meet, parallel, parallel line, shame
Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

2 months ago

again, daily, daily struggle, every, exhaustion, humor, i, me, morning, morning routine, not again, oh, relatable, routine, sleep, struggle, time, wake, waking, waking up
I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

1 month ago

bed, body, breakfast, crisis, eating, eating in bed, gym, gym membership, humor, i, indulgence, me, membership, midlife, midlife crisis, revenge, revenge body, self-care, Snickers, want, wish

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

Just shared via X:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Making waves on Facebook:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Trending via Discord:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Spotted on Facebook:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

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Activity Log ✨

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

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Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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