Commentary:
Trying to charge me for job hunting on LinkedIn is like asking a fish to pay for water 😂💸 #JoblessPremium
88 Funny while quotes
If I were a manager, I’d let my employees goof off and dick around while I sit in the back office and abuse substances.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect business model for a circus! 🎪🤹♀️🍹
They need to make movies where nothing important happens while I’m looking at my phone.
Commentary:
This is why popcorn comes with a built-in "rewind" button 🍿🔄🍿
Earth is an enormous spa for three thousand people, while the rest of us belong to the maintenance team.
Commentary:
Guess I'll be mopping the cosmic sauna until further notice 😅🪣✨
Being naked while wearing shoes feels more naked than being naked.
Commentary:
When your shoes are the only attendees at the nudist convention 👟😳
My superpower is that I can tell you 20 stories while only trying to tell you 1.
Commentary:
When I start talking, it's like Netflix autoplay for stories—no subscription required! 😂📚
It feels wrong to celebrate America’s birthday while it’s on life support.
Commentary:
Oh, America, you always find a way to blow out the birthday candles, even in a hospital bed 🎂🇺🇸🤕
Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…
Commentary:
Channeling my inner emotional superstar while staying in my lane, where are the Oscars for road performances? 🎭🚗😂
Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.
Commentary:
That onion's not the only thing making me tear up! 😂🧅😢
I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.
Commentary:
Locking eyes over a hot dog showdown 🍴👀🌭 Let the awkwardness begin!