Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Everyone is getting idioter.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Trending via WeChat:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Trending via YouTube:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Just landed via Facebook:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Going viral on Messenger:

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you try to explain your drama to your parents: 🚒 + ⛽ = 🔥🔥🔥 #Whoops #FuelToTheFire"

advice, analogy, fire, frustration, gasoline, humor, parent, parents, problems, put, telling, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

0

2 months ago

around, bike, exercise, hate, having, humor, i, pick, pick-up, return, return trip, stationary, stationary bike, thing, trip, turn, turn around, workout
They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

0

2 months ago

couple, duration, fun, humor, invention, minutes, relaxation, short, short duration, should, Sunday, time, weekend, wish
If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

0

2 months ago

account, bank, bank account, contact, humor, i, me, money, reach
There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

0

2 months ago

3, annoying, billion, friends, friendship, humor, i, life, loneliness, people, social, social life, world
I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

0

2 months ago

again, asleep, back, bedroom, cat, chair, crucifix, empty, fall, fear, hate, hisses, holding, humor, i, pet, runs, sleep, superstition
A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

0

2 months ago

good, house, humor, illusion, know, living, magic, magician, mystery, never, secret, surprise, unexpected

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

91 shares on X this month:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Live now on Slack:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Making waves on Discord:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Just shared via Facebook:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Making waves on Discord:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Shared recently on Instagram:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

Going viral on X:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Trending via Discord:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨