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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,565

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

Spotted on Twitch:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Just shared via YouTube:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Shared recently on X:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Trending via Facebook:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Seen just now on Threads:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Caught in the act of indulging in some Nutella straight from the jar – living life on the edge! 🍫🥄 #ChocolateLover #SnackTimeGoals"

activity, comfort, comfort food, corner, eating, food, humor, indulgence, me, Nutella, solo, solo activity, spoon

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

0

2 months ago

anything, decay, except, humor, i, indecision, laziness, life, procrastination, romanticize, self-deprecation
Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

0

5 months ago

action, actions, behavior, confusion, drive, frustration, insanity, sense, trying, understanding
I’m not feeling very worky today.

0

2 months ago

feeling, humor, motivation, procrastination, productivity, today, work
The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

0

2 months ago

blowing, forecast, humor, joke, meteorology, percentage, prediction, should, weather, weather forecast, wind, windiness
Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

0

2 months ago

double, double rainbow, gangsta, humor, irony, nature, rainbow, sky, spot, surprise
Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

0

2 months ago

accomplishment, communication, humor, keeping, mouth, patience, restraint, self-control, shut, silence, sometimes

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

18 shares on Slack this month:

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

57 shares on X this month:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Just landed via Reddit:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

I’m not feeling very worky today.

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨