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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

They’re making me do work at work.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

785 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,947

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,947

Updated

1 second ago

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Going viral on WeChat:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Reported on WhatsApp:

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

Trending via YouTube:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Breaking via Twitch:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Making waves on Snapchat:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Reported on LinkedIn:

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

Breaking via YouTube:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.
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Commentary:
"Living the trilogy of life: hydrate like a champ, caffeinate like you're on a deadline, and celebrate like it's 5 o'clock somewhere! 🥤☕️🥂"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

785 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,947

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,947

Updated

1 second ago

Users Online

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I’m ready to try another planet.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Going viral on Snapchat:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Trending via Slack:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Reported on WhatsApp:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

Making waves on Twitch:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Spotted on Messenger:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Spotted on YouTube:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

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