33 funny rule quotes - Wordgag

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

May 24, 2026

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

May 24, 2026

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

May 23, 2026

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

May 23, 2026

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

May 23, 2026

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

May 23, 2026

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

May 22, 2026

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

May 22, 2026

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

May 22, 2026

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

May 22, 2026

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

May 21, 2026

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

May 21, 2026

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

May 21, 2026

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

May 20, 2026

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

May 19, 2026

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

May 19, 2026

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

May 19, 2026

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

May 18, 2026

Until you have enough money to misbehave… behave.

May 18, 2026

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Apr 1, 2026

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Apr 1, 2026

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Mar 31, 2026

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

Mar 31, 2026

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Mar 30, 2026

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Mar 30, 2026

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

Mar 30, 2026

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Mar 29, 2026

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

Mar 29, 2026

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Mar 29, 2026

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Mar 29, 2026

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Mar 28, 2026

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Mar 28, 2026

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Mar 28, 2026