Commentary:
This logic checks out, right? Math was never my strong suit! 🍻🤔🤣
132 Funny drinking quotes
How much would I have to drink for a mosquito to instantly die from alcohol poisoning when it bites me?
Commentary:
Sounds like one mosquito is about to learn the true meaning of "buzzed driving" 🍸🦟🚫
Having a job is lowkey a great way to stay hydrated, ’cause you get so bored you start drinking water for fun.
Commentary:
Turning water into fun since hiring day! 💦😄 #StayHydrated
Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.
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When sober, taxis are just a ride—when drunk, they're a free therapy session on wheels! 🚕🍸😂
Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.
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When my standards started needing a crane to lift them, I knew it was time for a change! 😂🍹🚫
Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.
Commentary:
Sounds like you've found the secret to job security! 🍻🤔🤣
Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?
Commentary:
Trying to understand whether it's wine etiquette or an optical illusion 🍷🤔🏆
Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!
Commentary:
Cheers to aging gracefully—or at least pretending we do after a good glass! 🥃😄 #BourbonTherapy
Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.
Commentary:
Hurry up, Casanova, before my liquid courage goes on a coffee break! 🍺😅
I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.
Commentary:
Drowning my responsibilities one drink at a time! 🍹😂