The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.