Commentary:
Back then, everyone must have been like, "Is that a bear or my cousin Steve?" 😂👓🐻
49 Funny half quotes
I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.
Commentary:
Counting the days until I can add "divorce party planner" to my resume! 😂💔🎉
The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.
Commentary:
When your salad has more frequent flyer miles than you do 🥗💸✈️
I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.
Commentary:
Are these "movies" the new fidget spinners for my eyeballs? 🌀🍿👀
They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.
Commentary:
Thinking about the gym so hard, I almost broke a mental sweat! 🧠💪😂
Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.
Commentary:
Here lies the standoff of the century: outwit or forever hold your peace! 😂🤔🔍
Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.
Commentary:
Family gatherings are just therapy sessions with snacks 🍪🤪🛋️
Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.
Commentary:
Trying to solve Twitter math while feeling both cute and existential 🤔😂 #MathIsHard 📉✨
The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.
Commentary:
Who needs horror movies when daylight has its own fright fest? 🌞👻😱
Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.
Commentary:
Pasta crime alert 🚨 Breaking spaghetti? That's a pasta-tastrophe! 🍝🤣