38 funny empty quotes - Wordgag

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

May 21, 2026

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

May 21, 2026

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

May 21, 2026

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

May 20, 2026

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

May 20, 2026

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

May 20, 2026

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

May 20, 2026

Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

May 6, 2026

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

Apr 1, 2026

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Mar 31, 2026

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Mar 31, 2026

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Mar 31, 2026

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Mar 31, 2026

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Mar 31, 2026

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Mar 31, 2026

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Mar 31, 2026

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Mar 30, 2026

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Mar 30, 2026

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Mar 30, 2026

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Mar 29, 2026

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Mar 29, 2026

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

Mar 29, 2026

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Mar 29, 2026

My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

Mar 29, 2026

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Mar 29, 2026

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Mar 28, 2026

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Mar 28, 2026

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Mar 26, 2026

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Mar 26, 2026

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Mar 26, 2026

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

Mar 26, 2026

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Mar 26, 2026

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Mar 25, 2026

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Mar 25, 2026

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Mar 25, 2026

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Mar 24, 2026

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Mar 24, 2026

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Mar 24, 2026