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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,462

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Live now on Twitch:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Trending via Facebook:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

Just shared via Telegram:

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

Making waves on YouTube:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Just shared via Discord:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Trending via Telegram:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Going viral on Slack:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Spotted on Threads:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about boxed wine lingering humorously for six weeks after opening.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, boxed wine with aspirations of longevity 🍷😂! If I can last six weeks after opening, I'd be popping the bubbly too! 🥂 #WineGoals"

boxed, boxed wine, fresh, humor, laugh, lol, note, weeks, wine

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Discord this month:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

73 shares on X this month:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

82 shares on Threads this month:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Shared recently on Twitch:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Spotted on X:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Breaking via Threads:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Broadcasted on X:

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

Just shared via Discord:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

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Activity Log ✨

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨