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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,665

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

May the algorithms be with you.

Trending via Pinterest:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

Just landed via Telegram:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Seen just now on Discord:

Hey beauty brands who make face creams: 30ml is only enough for an ant’s face.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

Just landed via Reddit:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Spreading quickly via X:

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

Trending via Reddit:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"Ah, boxed wine with aspirations of longevity 🍷😂! If I can last six weeks after opening, I'd be popping the bubbly too! 🥂 #WineGoals"

boxed, boxed wine, fresh, humor, laugh, lol, note, weeks, wine

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13 shares on Facebook this month:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

30 shares on Slack this month:

Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

20 shares on X this month:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Trending via Instagram:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

Going viral on Facebook:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Shared recently on Slack:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Going viral on X:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

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Activity Log ✨

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

I liked it better when I was naive enough to think everyone was empathetic.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

I liked it better when I was naive enough to think everyone was empathetic.

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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