29 funny weeks quotes - Wordgag

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

May 30, 2026

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

May 30, 2026

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

May 29, 2026

I just wanna buy $16 worth of a meme coin and sell it for $2.6M two weeks later.

May 29, 2026

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

May 29, 2026

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

May 29, 2026

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

May 29, 2026

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

May 28, 2026

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

May 28, 2026

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

May 28, 2026

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

May 28, 2026

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

May 27, 2026

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

May 27, 2026

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

May 26, 2026

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

May 25, 2026

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

May 24, 2026

The best part about getting added to a group chat is leaving two weeks later.

May 24, 2026

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

May 22, 2026

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

May 22, 2026

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

May 22, 2026

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

May 22, 2026

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

May 21, 2026

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

May 21, 2026

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

May 21, 2026

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

May 21, 2026

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

May 21, 2026

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

May 20, 2026May 20, 2026

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

May 20, 2026

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

May 20, 2026