Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”
  • Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.
  • Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.
  • You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.
  • I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.