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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,601

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I hate texting. Just hunt me like an animal.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Live now on Pinterest:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Going viral on Facebook:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Going bananas on YouTube:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Spotted on Reddit:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Trending via Discord:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"When you're trying to lead by example but everyone's too busy watching cat videos instead. 🐱📱😆"

attention, authority, example, humor, irony, leadership, motivation, problem

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73 shares on YouTube this month:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

Japanese Latina catgirl be like ña.

80 shares on X this month:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

83 shares on Discord this month:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

13 shares on Threads this month:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

75 shares on X this month:

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

Spotted on Facebook:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

Just landed via Pinterest:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Trending via Reddit:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Trending via Discord:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

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Activity Log ✨

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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