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Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

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Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

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Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

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If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

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You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

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People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.