Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,484

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Just landed via WeChat:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Live now on Discord:

You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.

Live now on YouTube:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Spotted on Slack:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

Spotted on TikTok:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

0
There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.
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Commentary:
Well, zoinks! 🕵️‍♂️ It's like, "Jinkies, Velma! Another missing person? Let's not split up this time! 😂" Looks like Shaggy and Scooby's snacks might have distracted them from the real mysteries lurking in those haunted mansions! 🐕💨👻

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

70 shares on Twitch this month:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,548

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Spotted on Threads:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Live now on WhatsApp:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Just shared via TikTok:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Just shared via Telegram:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Freshly posted on X:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

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