When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

55 shares on Threads this month:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

24 shares on Messenger this month:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

91 shares on Threads this month:

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.