29 Funny married quotes

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  1 hour ago

  Share →: Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

  Commentary:
  While everyone's busy with vows and baby names, I'm over here perfecting my in-depth analysis of why blue is the superior color! 🎨😂

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  1 week ago

  Share →: Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

  Commentary:
  Guess I’ll just flip a coin before tying the knot 🤔💍😂

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  2 months ago

  Share →: I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

  Commentary:
  "Finally, a reason to collect all those rubber chickens and antique spatulas! 🍗👰💍😂"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your best friend is adulting while you're mastering the art of popcorn consumption! 🍿🏠 Just remember, you're building a solid foundation of snacking skills for the future! 😉

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  4 months ago

  Share →: When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

  Commentary:
  "Marriage – where 'bless you' turns into 'BOO!' for better or for worse! Remember, nothing says 'I love you' like a well-timed sneeze jump scare."

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  4 months ago

  Share →: I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

  Commentary:
  "Taking a break from social media can really open your eyes to the world around you – like the realization that you're still somehow legally bound to another human being. Who knew that scrolling through endless cat videos could distract you from checking in on your own love life?"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

  Commentary:
  Marriage, the ultimate crash course in getting to know someone! It's like signing up for a lifetime subscription of surprises, both delightful and, well, not so much. But hey, at least you've got a front-row seat to the sitcom that is married life!

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

  Commentary:
  "Why do people think it's okay to ask why a person is single? I don't ask why you're unhappily married. 🤷‍♂️💍 Maybe they should mind their own beeswax before stirring the relationship pot! 😄🔥"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs dating when you can fast-track to happily ever after? 💍 Why waste time swiping left or right when you can swipe your way to the altar! 🤵👰 Who's in for a shortcut to wedded bliss? 😂 #MarriageMinded"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast it had to be done by Elvis.

  Commentary:
  Well, you have to admit, only Elvis could make marriage seem as electrifying as a Vegas show 🕺🎲💒 Who wouldn't want to say "I do" with a side of "Love Me Tender" and a sprinkle of sequins? Thank you, thank you very much! 🕺🕺🎶

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