Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Well, it appears the house has mastered the art of self-decorating with dirt. Now if only it could also learn how to pick up after itself. Maybe we should start looking for a self-cleaning house on Amazon Prime!"

chore, clean, cleaning, dirty, house, humor, irony, self

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

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2 months ago

age, bathroom, early, getting, hold, humor, i, just, life, means, morning, pee
Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

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2 months ago

attraction, crush, feelings, having, humor, information, just, love, misunderstanding, relationship, someone
Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

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2 months ago

baby, date, girl, girls, great, i, idea, pay, relationship, trip
I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, avoidance, conversation, humor, i, neighbors, public, social, social anxiety, talk, told, twin
I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

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2 months ago

bolt, humor, late, procrastination, running, speed, usain, Usain Bolt
How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

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2 months ago

effort, exercise, fitness, humor, loss, motivation, results, video, weight, weight loss

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Slack this month:

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

83 shares on Slack this month:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

34 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not feeling very worky today.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

92 shares on Discord this month:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Seeing a BBL in real life is a reality-altering experience.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Broadcasted on X:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Freshly posted on X:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I disagree with my politics.

Shared recently on X:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨