Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.
  • Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.
  • If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.
  • I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.
  • Going to the gym to exercise my demons.
  • I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.