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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Seen just now on X:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Spotted on WeChat:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Trending via Reddit:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Making waves on Instagram:

Life isn’t funny, why should my posts be?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Making waves on TikTok:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Shared recently on Threads:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

2 weeks ago

Humorous text about women preferring a funny movie star over a whining guy.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, maybe it's because Pete Davidson's humor is scripted for the big screen, while your whining is more of a live, uncut performance… But hey, who knows, maybe a little less whine and a little more comedy could be the winning ticket to your own Hollywood romance!

date, guy, humor, jealousy, me, movie, movie star, Pete Davidson, relationship, star, want, whining, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

72 shares on Facebook this month:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,482

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Making waves on Slack:

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Seen just now on Instagram:

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Going viral on Telegram:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Making waves on YouTube:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

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