Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.
  • Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.
  • I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.
  • I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.
  • I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.
  • The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!