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If youโ€™re tired of โ€œfoodโ€ and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend โ€œcuisineโ€?

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I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

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I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs Iโ€™ve ever lost in my life.

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Is โ€˜ughโ€™ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

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Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

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When I was a kid, we werenโ€™t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldnโ€™t reach.

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Deleted all dating apps, instead Iโ€™m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

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Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

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If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

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Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

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You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Commentary:
"Who needs salt for seasoning when you have a good old sprinkle of tears instead? ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿณ Just don't forget to stir in some frustration and a pinch of existential crisis for that extra flavor boost! ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿณ #ChefsOfTheTears"



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