Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,645

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

Spotted on Telegram:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Shared recently on Discord:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Making waves on Slack:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Trending via Twitch:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just started my kombucha fan club—our meetings are literally a gut feeling! 🍹😄

digestion, enjoy, gut, gut health, health, health joke, health rant, humor, joke, just, kombucha, lighthearted, need, rant, wellness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

0

2 months ago

before, happening, horrible, horrible things, humor, i, irony, peaceful, sarcasm, sleep, things, tired, today, try, world
What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

0

2 months ago

childhood, family, having, humor, idea, kids, lot, parenting, possession, surprise, teeth
Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

0

2 months ago

alien, anticipation, extraterrestrial, humor, invasion, joke, patiently, sci-fi, waiting
Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

0

2 months ago

addiction, addiction humor, break, break time, breaks, cook, every, gambling, give, hour, humor, i, job, job break, jobs, minutes, only, parlay, should, smoking, time, why, work, work humor
Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

0

2 months ago

afraid, discomfort, fear, humor, me, naked, shower, spider, survival
Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

0

2 months ago

am, communication, directions, frustration, humor, i, me, people, predictive, predictive text, recipe, send, technology, text, Thanksgiving, tired

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

56 shares on YouTube this month:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

53 shares on Discord this month:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

39 shares on Discord this month:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

93 shares on X this month:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

54 shares on X this month:

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

This Monday could have been an email.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Making waves on Messenger:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Breaking via Snapchat:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Going bananas on WeChat:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Making waves on Messenger:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨