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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

He took my last fry, your honor.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

5 hours ago

Users Online

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Seen just now on X:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Spotted on WeChat:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

Broadcasted on Discord:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

Reported on WhatsApp:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Just landed via Telegram:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

Going viral on Threads:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo. 💁‍♀️💥 Who knew a tiny piece of plastic could pack so much intimidation factor! 📸 #FearlessSelfie"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

5 hours ago

Users Online

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Seen just now on TikTok:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Spotted on Reddit:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Spotted on X:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Shared recently on Slack:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Spotted on Slack:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Just shared via TikTok:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

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