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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,681

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Broadcasted on X:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

Trending via Facebook:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Making waves on Twitch:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Just landed via Threads:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Clearly, we need to start a movement for 'tipfingering'—imagine the potential for dramatic exits! 👋🤣🦶"

anatomy, fingers, humor, joke, language, language joke, playful, puns, t, tiptoe, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

2 months ago
blocked, dating, dorito, humor, me, neato, pringle, quirkiness, relationship, single, someone
My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

4 months ago
answer, arguing, argument, asking, conservative, favorite, genre, give, grok, guy, humor, likes, question, true, tweet
I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

1 month ago
bring, eat, food, fun, going, humor, i, lunch, meeting, meetings, pickle, vibe, workplace
I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

1 month ago
childhood, delivery, egging, food, food delivery, house, humor, i, life, rural, rural life, small, small town, someone, thing, town
Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

1 month ago
coping, coping mechanism, humor, i, mechanism, personal, personal reasons, pillow, reasons, relief, screaming, stress, stress relief
I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

1 month ago
being, cooking, day, food, hate, humor, hunger, i, meals, most, myself, own, responsibility, responsible, self-care, spoil, starve

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Just landed via Reddit:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Spotted on Threads:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Breaking via TikTok:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

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Activity Log ✨

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

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Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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