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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1136 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,298

Funny Quotes Topics

14,209

Funny Quotes Images

11,298

5 minutes ago

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Spotted on Telegram:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

6 months ago

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who would've thought that being a walking, talking ghost in a meat suit speeding through the galaxy would be so empowering? 👻🌌✨ Just your everyday reminder to embrace your inner cosmic weirdness and ride that rock with confidence! #SpaceGhost"

driving, existence, fear, ghost, humor, nothing, philosophy, riding, rock, skeleton, space, stardust

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1136 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,298

Funny Quotes Topics

14,209

Funny Quotes Images

11,298

5 minutes ago

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Going viral on WeChat:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m not even a 2nd choice, I’m like an 8th choice, sometimes a 10th.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I am half agony, half hope.

Spotted on Messenger:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Going viral on Messenger:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Seen just now on Facebook:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Just landed via Twitch:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

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