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New funny quotes: 7726 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: May 24, 2026

 

 

 

 

45 Funny existence quotes

Funny existence quotes bring a hilarious twist to life’s biggest mysteries 🤪✨ They remind us that sometimes, the best way to deal with the chaos is to laugh at it 😂🌪️ Whether you’re feeling deep, confused, or just in need of a chuckle, these witty words will brighten your day and keep existence entertaining 😎💫

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I should’ve existed as a tree.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.

Posted onApr 3, 2026

Being alive and sentient has been the worst thing to have ever happened to me.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Denying the existence of anyone that annoys me.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

Posted onApr 1, 2026

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

You only live once and thank God for that.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

I overthink, therefore I am.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Posted onMar 27, 2026

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

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