45 funny existence quotes - Wordgag

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

May 24, 2026

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

May 23, 2026

Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

May 23, 2026

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

May 22, 2026

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

May 22, 2026

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

May 22, 2026

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

May 20, 2026

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

May 20, 2026

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

May 20, 2026

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

May 20, 2026

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

May 20, 2026

I should’ve existed as a tree.

May 20, 2026

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

May 20, 2026

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

May 19, 2026

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

May 18, 2026

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

May 18, 2026

The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.

Apr 3, 2026

Being alive and sentient has been the worst thing to have ever happened to me.

Apr 1, 2026

Denying the existence of anyone that annoys me.

Apr 1, 2026

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

Apr 1, 2026

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Apr 1, 2026

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Apr 1, 2026

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Mar 31, 2026

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Mar 31, 2026

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Mar 31, 2026

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Mar 31, 2026

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Mar 31, 2026

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

Mar 31, 2026

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Mar 30, 2026

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

Mar 29, 2026

You only live once and thank God for that.

Mar 29, 2026

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Mar 29, 2026

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Mar 28, 2026

I overthink, therefore I am.

Mar 28, 2026

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Mar 28, 2026

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

Mar 28, 2026

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Mar 28, 2026

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Mar 27, 2026

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Mar 27, 2026

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Mar 27, 2026