Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.
  • Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.
  • Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.
  • Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.
  • Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.
  • You should be able to call in sad to work.