Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

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“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

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This too shall pass, but what the hell?

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The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

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Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

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Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

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My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

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Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

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Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

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Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

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Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.