Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

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Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

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Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

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Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

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I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

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Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

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Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

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Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

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Avocado is just green butter.

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Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

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Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.