A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

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Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

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I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

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I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

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If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

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Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

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For the record, I use a turntable.

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For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.