Trendy Funny Quotes

  • There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.
  • Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.
  • I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.
  • “Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.
  • I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.
  • I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.