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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

852 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,014

Funny Quotes Topics

13,949

Funny Quotes Images

11,014

9 minutes ago

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Going viral on WeChat:

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Spotted on Telegram:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Making waves on TikTok:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Seen just now on WeChat:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Going viral on TikTok:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Trending via Slack:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Trending via Reddit:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

5 months ago

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between ambition and the siren call of Netflix 😆🎉 Here's to a year of well-intentioned procrastination and perfectly timed productivity! Just remember, tomorrow is always a day away… #NewYearsResolution #ProcrastinationStation"

humor, irony, new, new year, procrastinate, resolution, self-improvement, start, tomorrow, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

852 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,014

Funny Quotes Topics

13,949

Funny Quotes Images

11,014

9 minutes ago

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Reported on Twitch:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Reported on Instagram:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Shared recently on Slack:

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

Live now on Slack:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Shared recently on Threads:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Just shared via Facebook:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Seen just now on Twitch:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

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