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Updated: May 26, 2026

 

 

 

 

46 Funny new year quotes

Funny new year quotes are the perfect way to ring in the new year with a smile 😄 and a hearty laugh 😂! As we bid farewell to last year’s quirks and welcome new adventures 🎉, these witty sayings can add a sprinkle of humor to your celebrations. Whether you’re raising a glass 🥂 or making resolutions you’ll forget by February, these quotes will keep the mood light and fun. Here’s to a year of giggles and good times! 🥳

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

January is the Monday of the year.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Happy new fear!

Posted onMay 20, 2026

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

January: the Monday of months.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Posted onApr 1, 2026

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