Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

57 minutes ago

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Going viral on TikTok:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Instead of those cute mini pizzas, they should invent gigantic ones that take four people to carry.

Live now on Telegram:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Seen just now on Threads:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Going viral on Threads:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Trending via Slack:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Going viral on X:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

6 months ago

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

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Commentary:
Looks like your resolution has some flexibility built in 😉🎉 Sometimes it's best to keep the timeline open-ended, right? Time is just a social construct anyway! Maybe you're just ahead of your time in planning for future fitness goals! 💪🍕 #ResolutionSomeday 💫

better, diet, eat, exercise, expectations, fitness, humor, i, new, new year, procrastination, resolution, time, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

57 minutes ago

3,421

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realize you had a meme to back you up.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Making waves on WeChat:

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

Reported on Telegram:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Breaking via Telegram:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Just landed via YouTube:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Spotted on Telegram:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Live now on Reddit:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

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