Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who would've thought that time can be so sneaky! ⏱️ One minute on a treadmill feels like a forever, while one minute in bed slips away quicker than you can say 'snooze'. 😂💤 #TimeFliesWhenYoureSleeping"

comparison, exercise, fitness, humor, minute, sarcasm, sleep, time, times, treadmill

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

0

2 months ago

am, burnout, fatigue, humor, i, quiet, quiet quitting, quitting, stress, suffering, work
I need to have a ginger ale about this.

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4 months ago

ale, beverage, drink, ginger, ginger ale, humor, i, need, pun, wordplay
Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

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2 months ago

conspiracy, here, humor, little, music, psyop, relationship, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, tunes, wife
Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

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2 months ago

advice, back, banana, drink, funny advice, humor, hydration, self-care, water
Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

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4 months ago

emotion, emotionally, humor, joke, jokes, laugh, own, self-awareness, stability, stable
“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

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2 months ago

change, humor, i, relationship, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

91 shares on X this month:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

17 shares on Threads this month:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

Just shared via Instagram:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Just shared via YouTube:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Breaking via Threads:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Live now on Snapchat:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Just shared via WeChat:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Trending via Telegram:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨