Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who would've thought that time can be so sneaky! ⏱️ One minute on a treadmill feels like a forever, while one minute in bed slips away quicker than you can say 'snooze'. 😂💤 #TimeFliesWhenYoureSleeping"

comparison, exercise, fitness, humor, minute, sarcasm, sleep, time, times, treadmill

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

0

2 months ago

actually, antique, attack, doll, fear, human, humans, humor, irony, majority, murder, people, porcelain, porcelain doll, rare, rarity, shark, shark attack
How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

0

2 months ago

apple, Apple Watch, audible, audible sigh, burn, calorie, credit, exercise, fitness, humor, i, me, sarcasm, self-awareness, sigh, technology, think, watch
Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

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5 months ago

acceptance, ever, feel, guilt, guilty, guilty pleasure, humor, i, pleasure, self, self-acceptance, why
Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

0

2 months ago

activity, away, country, cross, cross country, dating, existed, fun, fun activity, high-speed, high-speed rail, lovers, opportunity, rail, relationships, think, transportation, travel
Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

0

2 months ago

addiction, being, easier, humor, i, lot, myself, reflection, self-acceptance, self-esteem, sober, struggle
Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

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3 months ago

AI, before, birth, born, dead, death, dystopia, future, glad, got, humanity, humor, i, internet, life, technology, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Facebook this month:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

39 shares on Slack this month:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

95 shares on Instagram this month:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Spotted on Twitch:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Just landed via Instagram:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Breaking via Slack:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Breaking via Reddit:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Just shared via Facebook:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Shared recently on Reddit:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨