Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,575

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Shared recently on Instagram:

People delete their social media and start acting like they got a master’s degree in maturity.

Making waves on Twitch:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Making waves on YouTube:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Shared recently on Threads:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Just landed via Threads:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

Just landed via TikTok:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

2 months ago

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17 shares on Discord this month:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

90 shares on X this month:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

26 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

81 shares on X this month:

They said don’t try this at home, so I’m coming over to your place.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

35 shares on X this month:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Forget all this adulting stuff, let’s bring back Saturday morning cartoons.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Just shared via Telegram:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Live now on Snapchat:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Trending via Discord:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Trending via Twitch:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Shared recently on Telegram:

There are too many neglected emojis.

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

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Activity Log ✨

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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