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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

A good audiobook will have you inventing chores to do.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Trending via Slack:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Just shared via Slack:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Live now on Facebook:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Just landed via Twitch:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

Becoming a DJ, but only because I like to impose my will and preferences upon the masses.

2 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about pretending to be a DJ to control the crowd, humorous and witty.

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Commentary:
I guess you're turning tables and taking names 🎧😎 #DJDictator

crowd, dj, humor, i, impose, masses, music, only, preference, preferences, upon

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Discord this month:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

34 shares on Discord this month:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I was born in the right generation. I love bedrotting and scrolling through Twitter all day.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Breaking via Reddit:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Freshly posted on Discord:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Going viral on TikTok:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

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Activity Log ✨

Becoming a DJ, but only because I like to impose my will and preferences upon the masses.

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Becoming a DJ, but only because I like to impose my will and preferences upon the masses.

Keep the laugh going 😂

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨