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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,659

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

Trending via Facebook:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Just landed via WeChat:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Making waves on Telegram:

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

Trending via Threads:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Just landed via Instagram:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Trending via TikTok:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Just landed via Twitch:

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

3 weeks ago

Humorous quote about public speech and Bluetooth confusion with playful tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, yes, the classic dilemma of modern society: Is that person really just using Bluetooth, or have they fully embraced the insanity of public soliloquies? 🤔🎧🤪 It's like a real-life game of "Guess the Tech or Guess the Heck"! 🤣🔊 Just another day in the unpredictable world of human behavior!

Bluetooth, fun, game, humor, insane, lone, lone person, loud, observation, person, play, public, social, social observation, speaking

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Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Instagram this month:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

31 shares on Slack this month:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

Living la vida taco!

99 shares on Reddit this month:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

35 shares on X this month:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your story.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,351

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

What are cats even trying to do?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Spotted on Reddit:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Going viral on Reddit:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

Just shared via Telegram:

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

Trending via Facebook:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Just landed via Discord:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Making waves on Instagram:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

Just landed via Twitch:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

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