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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,513

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Shared recently on Instagram:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Shared recently on Instagram:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Spotted on TikTok:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Breaking via Reddit:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Lobobos: Now trending as 'brain freshness treatments' with the Gen Z seal of approval 🤯🧠 #StayFresh

brain, calling, fit, gen, Gen Z, health, humor, language, lobobo, lobotomy, meme, mental, mental health, slang, z

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

0

2 months ago

advance, diet, eat, fat, food, humor, i, just, self-deprecation
Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

0

2 months ago

behavior, being, drinking, drunk, every, funny behavior, humor, interaction, liking, media, online, online interaction, reading, social, social media, tweet
Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

0

2 months ago

conversation, coworker, coworkers, crazy, day, end, end of day, every, going, home, humor, office, reaction, talk, time, work
I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, drink, forget, humor, i, just, life, naturally
I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

0

2 months ago

business, business savvy, childhood, fairy, humor, i, job, outsourcing, parents, savvy, tooth, Tooth Fairy
I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

0

2 months ago

am, communication, expectations, humor, i, individuality, obligation, sarcasm, sense, under

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

68 shares on Threads this month:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

93 shares on Discord this month:

I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

83 shares on Discord this month:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Making waves on X:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Going viral on Messenger:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Making waves on Facebook:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Just shared via X:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

Breaking via Messenger:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨