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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Crazy to think the average Zoomer male just works, watches porn, and plays video games. That’s it. That’s their whole life.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,351

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Shared recently on Threads:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Just shared via YouTube:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Freshly posted on X:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Trending via X:

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Just landed via Facebook:

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Going viral on Instagram:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Breaking via Slack:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

4 weeks ago

Funny quote about overthinking at bedtime, featuring witty words on a humorous note.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Dear brain, why must you write a grocery list and come up with future business ideas when all I want is some sleep? 🧠💤 Maybe you should consider a career change to night owl consultant or professional dream curator? Just a thought. 🦉💭"

asleep, bedtime, brain, exactly, fall, humor, insomnia, relaxation, sleep, stop, thinking, thoughts, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Slack this month:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

69 shares on Threads this month:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

35 shares on Telegram this month:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

10 shares on Discord this month:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,546

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

“I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Spotted on Telegram:

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I am half agony, half hope.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Just landed via Snapchat:

That friend who asks too many personal questions? He’s not concerned. He’s collecting.

Trending via Telegram:

My default setting is sexual energy.

Going viral on Threads:

The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

Shared recently on Telegram:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Trending via Threads:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

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