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New funny quotes: 8507 this month

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Updated: May 24, 2026

 

 

 

 

74 Funny thoughts quotes

Funny thoughts quotes 🤔🤣 are your perfect companions for a dose of daily giggles 🤗 and unexpected smiles! They sprinkle humor into the mundane, turning ordinary moments into laugh-worthy memories. Whether you’re in need of a chuckle or a witty comeback 😜, these quirky nuggets of wisdom are bound to lift your spirits and tickle your funny bone. So, dive in, and let the hilarity ensue! 😂✨

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Thoughts & prayers to all of us back at work tomorrow after the colossal mistake of thinking we’d be lads of leisure forever, for some reason.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

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