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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Friends with consequences.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Self-cleaning conscience.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2069 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,231

Funny Quotes Topics

14,975

Funny Quotes Images

12,231

2 minutes ago

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Just shared via Messenger:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Breaking via Instagram:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Live now on Slack:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Live now on Messenger:

I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

Spotted on Discord:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

6 months ago

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

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Commentary:
Well, isn't that a gas-tastic quote! 💨😂 I mean, who knew being startled could lead to unexpected sound effects? This person should definitely come with a "Caution: May Fart Easily" warning label! Just imagine the possible chaos in a haunted house or during a surprise party 🎉. Remember folks, always approach with care and avoid any jump scares!

comedy, easily, fart, fear, humor, i, joke, lighthearted, me, scare

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2069 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,231

Funny Quotes Topics

14,975

Funny Quotes Images

12,231

2 minutes ago

3,452

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I’m bored, but not read a book for fun bored.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Breaking via Facebook:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Live now on Facebook:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Making waves on Slack:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Spotted on Snapchat:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Spotted on Threads:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Just shared via Slack:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Spotted on WeChat:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Freshly posted on X:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

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