Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Following a salt truck in the snow: When you've got your very own salty entourage clearing the way for your grand entrance! 🚔❄️ #MidwestVibes"

day, driving, escort, humor, Midwest, police, police escort, road, road trip, salt, salt truck, snowy, snowy day, trip, truck, winter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

0

2 months ago

attention, dog, doorbell, humor, pet, pet humor, rings, self-centered, vain, whenever
I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

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2 months ago

aspiration, cash, desire, dollars, grass, humor, i, million, money, need, touch, wealth
“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

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5 months ago

chase, done, funny situation, house, humor, i, never, open, parenting, parkour, Sharpie, situation, through, toddler
I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

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2 months ago

brain, brain cell, cell, cells, creativity, humor, i, idea, kiss, love, thought
People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

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2 months ago

always, car, driver, home, humor, i, love, me, people, sit, talk, Uber, waiting, whenever, yell
Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

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2 months ago

20, brain, brains, clue, email, every, forget, forgetfulness, Funny, got, humor, i, irony, memory, password, remember, song, word

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Instagram this month:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Student life is all about convincing your parents that you are studying, convincing your friends that you are not, and convincing yourself that you’ll study from tomorrow.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Going viral on Threads:

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

Broadcasted on Slack:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

Just shared via Reddit:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Spotted on Facebook:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Making waves on TikTok:

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Trending via Instagram:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨