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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Trending via Messenger:

AI is that friend who is always there for you but gives terrible advice.

Making waves on TikTok:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Live now on WeChat:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Seen just now on WeChat:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Going bananas on Slack:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Live now on Slack:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like you've been practicing the art of side-stepping since childhood! 💃🏽🤔🌀

childhood, ever, girl, humor, i, issue, little, pun, skirt, wanted, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

0

2 months ago

bridges, burn, hope, humor, keep, metaphor, night, revenge, sarcasm, warm, warmth
I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily routine, day, everyone, humor, i, least, media, myself, popcorn, posting, routine, self-control, social, social media, status, status update, stop, twice, update
Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

0

2 months ago

cheering, family, games, kid, kids, parenting, rain, rest, softball, sports, Sunday, team, weekend, winning
Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

0

4 months ago

barking, comment, comments, girl, girls, i, interaction, man, media, playful, relationship, social, social media, stuff, want, weird
Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

0

2 months ago

digestive, full, health, help, humor, joke, laxatif, live, pooptential
A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

0

2 months ago

before, contribution, crypto, crypto trader, ethic, every, garbageman, humor, lifetime, lunch, op-ed, op-ed writer, single, society, trader, work, work ethic, writer

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on TikTok this month:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

57 shares on X this month:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

69 shares on Messenger this month:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

71 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

74 shares on Discord this month:

Life is too short, and death is too long.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Coffee is just goth water.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Going bananas on Telegram:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

Spotted on X:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Going viral on Messenger:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Live now on Messenger:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

Trending via WeChat:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨