Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.