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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Life is weird and then you die.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Making waves on Reddit:

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Spotted on X:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Making waves on X:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Freshly posted on X:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Going viral on Slack:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When juggling life's craziness, I need more screens than an action movie hacker! 📺🤯💻

enough, humor, i, monitor, multitasking, productivity, situation, situations, stress, technology, too, workload

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

0

2 months ago

bite, conflict, humor, mythology, question, transformation, vampire, zombie
Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

0

2 months ago

humor, i, misunderstanding, murder, smother, still, thought, time, wordplay
They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

0

2 months ago

being, communication, genuine, honesty, humor, invent, man, me, relationships, sarcasm, should, things, trust
Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

0

2 months ago

glasses, humor, iPhone, lane, lois, Lois Lane, me, nickname, recognition, technology, vision
Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

0

4 months ago

again, China, Chinese, Chinese food, culture, eating, food, girlfriend, got, humor, i, joke, relationship, repetition, sense, think, time, today, yesterday
Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

0

2 months ago

confusion, good, greeting, humor, me, morning, response, sarcasm, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

17 shares on Slack this month:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

82 shares on Slack this month:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

67 shares on X this month:

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Spotted on Facebook:

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Shared recently on YouTube:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Making waves on Reddit:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Shared recently on Threads:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

Just landed via YouTube:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨