Funny structural repair quotes

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Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

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If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

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Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

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Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

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Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

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Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your story.

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It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

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I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

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No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

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Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.