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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

The future is buffering.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

“Unavailable” is my favorite state to be in.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,621

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Making waves on Reddit:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Going viral on Twitch:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Going viral on YouTube:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Girlfriend is like a summer fling 🌞, but ex-girlfriend is the ghost of relationships past that haunts you forever! 👻😂"

breakup, commitment, dating, ex girlfriend, forever, girlfriend, humor, love, relationship, temporary

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

0

2 months ago

attention, best, humor, irony, noticed, psychology, relationship, want
Tuesday is no better than Monday.

0

2 months ago

better, humor, Monday, motivation, procrastination, sarcasm, Tuesday, weekday, workweek
Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

0

2 months ago

after, decapitated, fashion, great, headless, humor, irony, let, mannequin, new, self-image, shirt
I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

0

2 months ago

analogy, anxious, back, deep, depth, humor, i, inside, layers, myself, onion, peel, personality, self-perception, smaller, think
I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

0

5 months ago

dance, hand, hands, humor, i, jazz, jazz hand, just, let, performance, self-expression, speak, think
Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

0

2 months ago

am, ask, before, humor, i, kids, parenting, patience, patient, people, self-reflection, stupid, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

19 shares on Threads this month:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

51 shares on Discord this month:

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

10 shares on X this month:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Just shared via Threads:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Trending via YouTube:

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

Just shared via Telegram:

Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Have you ever been sitting around overthinking about overthinking, and then wonder why you’re even thinking that?

Spotted on Pinterest:

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Spotted on Instagram:

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

Spotted on Snapchat:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨